To the French and Belgian Students Who Just Departed
There are lots and lots of things that I have been lazy about getting into this blog. I've traveled a bit (Buenos Aires and Uruguay in March, St. Louis in April, London and Chicago in May), I've managed to finally graduate with my Masters in TESOL, I've been promoted to the Executive Board at my synagogue, and I may have even figured out how to use my bowling ball -- in April I bowled my highest league game ever (a tie for my personal best, a 256) and my highest ever scratch series (220/221/202 for a 643 series; incidentally, that's also the only time I've ever bowled three consecutives games over 200).
But the impetus for today's writing, however, concerns some (former) students. And whether or not my forthcoming opinions are vituperative vitriol remains to be seen, for I know not how it will come out even as I am writing these very words.
The teaching term ended on 30 May, and about 43 students who had been here since September graduated. There was a celebration party at the Mars Bar in SOMA, and though I initially thought I would only stay for one hour, I stayed for three and actually enjoyed myself (I'm sure it had nothing to do with the four Cuba Libres I had). Then another teacher and I had an epiphany: we all enjoyed ourselves so much because not one French student showed up. NOT ONE (French students are, FYI, about 30% of the school). No wonder it so pleasant. The next day at graduation the French tried to stonewall us again, with the majority not showing up, and those that did having attitude. NO ONE CARED AND WE WERE GLAD THAT YOU WEREN'T THERE. In fact, we wish that you had encouraged the remainder to stay home.
Now don't get me wrong... I'm not writing off Frenchies and French-speaking Belgians collectively, because I've had some sincerely wonderful students from these countries. The problem is that they all left early, leaving the worst behind. And just to be clear where each student stands, I'm calling you out by your actual names -- every last one of you -- so there's no confusion of sentiment.
Caroline, Tiphaine, Ophélie, Marion, Jessica -- you left waaaaay too soon. We all wish every student could have been like you.
Redouan, Lionel -- representing the positive face of Belgium. See above.
Kim -- also a positive face of Belgium, though it took me a while to see it (when most never saw it at all). Learn the balance between sober, social, and obnoxious, especially around the opposite sex, and you'll be fine... and then everyone else will see that you're worth hanging around. Sometimes.
Michael F -- you were never my student, which made it all the more poignant that you broke ranks with the French delegation and actually said good-bye to me and other staff. That speaks volumes about you. I know you'll be back in the US in a few years, maybe even in San Francisco again.
Andrea -- still waiting on our pool rematch. Young as you are, you were one of the most mature French-speaking males we had. You also said good-bye. The staff all liked you.
For the rest of you: You know what? You are all, collectively,
SPOILED MOODY BRATS. If I could, I would mandate that we never have another French student EVER because of you all. You validate every stereotype that has ever existed for French-cultured peoples, and I have no sympathy for any of you. I'm glad you're no longer here.
Margaux -- You're smart but immature, and that combination in you led to you being a complete bitch. I was jumping for joy every single day that you were not in my class. You came to our school with a bitch reputation, and it was certainly true. Good luck at the Dutch school you go to -- good luck to the school, that is, for having to put up with you. Sadly, though, you weren't the worst of the lot by far.
Adrien D de la R -- Boy did I misjudge you. I thought you were cool when you arrived, but you're a poseur. How do you not write a cover letter in three weeks? Abominable. You wasted a lot of money by forfeiting an internship opportunity because of your incompetence. And then you couldn't speak or make eye contact for the remainder of your time here? I guess if I couldn't complete basic instructions, I'd be embarassed to make eye contact as well.
Adrien F -- How dare you. How dare you try to make me feel bad for chastizing you for your blatant plagiarism. Are you fucking kidding me? You're the biggest fucking baby on the face of this earth. Instead of admitting that you were caught and being a man about it, you whined like a baby and then pouted like one for the next several weeks. That makes you a BITCH. You're damn right that I put you in the other class when Level 5 split -- I was done with you. I don't teach kids, and I for damn sure don't teach "adults" who act like them. Grow a set and learn to follow instructions, fucktard.
Julie -- You were alright most of the time, but you were immature and you knew that you were wrong for ripping up your essay and throwing it away. Why would you do that and THEN write two pages in your journal about how you were upset by my comments, thus preventing me from defending my comments (which you severely misinterpreted). Perhaps if spent less time moving from boy to boy and instead reading my comments more closely, you would have understood them. But I guess you and these other Frenchies knew better than to yell at me like you do at some other staff here... because all -hell- would have broken loose.
Magali -- G-d in heaven, where do I start with you? You should have never studied abroad. I have never, ever met a student who was absolutely unwilling to share anything about her life. You should have taken the money you spent on our program and gotten extensive therapy and a good anti-depressant prescription. I tried and tried and tried (and tried!) to communicate to you that it was okay to contribute in class, but you never would. I sincerely hope that I never, ever have another student even half as emotionally troubled as you. I never thought you plagiarized your essay, but I still think you wrote it in French and used an online translator -- I mean come on, do you think I'm stupid?! I know your writing style and that's not what was in that essay. As of this moment, I hereby institute a ban on all female Belgians at our school.
Good luck and good riddance to the lot of you.
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